I really didn’t want to make this topic, not only because I’ll be coming to Empire as part of a group that I don’t want to give a bad impression (as well as you lovely folks), but because I really don’t know how okay it is to just outright make a new topic on this forum similar to others so… eh, deep end. I apologise for what will be a long post and especially if it sounds whiney.
I’m coming to the event in April and have been slowly but surely learning things I need to know about, well, everything. I’m building a character, have a number of things picked like being from Dawn, yeoman in a new house, character’s race etc, but despite starting out so sure about some things I became really nervous the more I learned.
First of all, I’m autistic and have some issues with (mostly performance based) anxiety, and must admit the sheer amount of detail and stuff to learn is a bit overwhelming. There’s so much to forget or get wrong. I don’t want to have to be that person who’s constantly breaking character if there’s an issue. I’ve got years of online RP experience and have done maybe a few hours at a time of casual “verbal RP” which was like LARP without the fighting or even costumes, but this will be my first actual LARP event.
My group/house needed an archer and with being an actually trained REAL archer who already had a LARP appropriate bow I was so excited, but I soon became super unnerved by the idea of battles despite the fact that I really want to take part and be useful (plus, admittedly, maybe a little bit badass…). The battles and skirmishes sound HUGE and fast paced which scares me, I don’t know if I’d be fast or observant enough to keep track of what’s going on. Real archery is slow, and I’m the clumsy idiot who couldn’t play dodgeball at school to save her life. There’s a real fear of some stupid things like losing or breaking my arrows because they’re so expensive (even compared to some real arrows, guys!), breaking my LARP bow, ruining my costume somehow - seriously, how do you lot wear such expensive beautiful armour into battle and not worry if it’ll get scratched to hell? or being so slow/daft that I get my first character killed really quickly after no doubt getting very attached. That last one is something I’ve probably driven the others mad asking about, but it’s not easy to be reassured when you’ve got varied spacial awareness and no fighting experience.
Don’t even get me started about having to be a monster on the other day, I’d do it if I had to but not sure I’ve ever been comfortable with orcs, let alone would know how to play one.
Actually about the costume, I don’t even know if the fake leather/embroidered corset I’ve got counts as a type of armour or not. I feel a little more reassured with armour, but really can’t afford to be buying any of the “official” stuff right now in terms of body armour. This is such an expensive hobby. Did I seriously earlier see photos that looked like people had been covered in some sort of paint like when paintballing?
I know that people will probably say to just be a character that doesn’t fight, and I’ve considered that. To be honest part of the problem is probably that I’m struggling to pick skills other than marksman and haven’t a clue what to choose for a resource, not much I’ve heard about seems to fit. I really do want to use my archery skills where possible seeing as the others wanted an archer in the first place and it’s something I know how to do, but don’t know if there’s any way of doing that without being in the fights (plus why be an archer and then abandon my group in battle?). I’ve considered ritual magic as someone else in the group needs a coven, but really don’t know how this all works.
At the end of the day if being blunt I’m a slow, unobservant, light-armoured/armourless burden who can’t decide where she wants to be. If I go into battle and become distressed or prematurely lose this character, I’ll feel crap. But if I miss the fighting out of cowardice and regret it later, the worry cycle starts anew for whether to join in next time. I’m so sorry for how rambly this all sounds.
Does anyone happen to have words of advice, or reassurance?